They’re Not Siamese, If You Please
May 13, 2011 at 3:56 pm | Posted in The Twins | 28 CommentsTags: babies, humor, twins
Can I just say I must have the kindest, most wonderful readers in the history of the internet. It was so wonderful to hear from all of you again! I wasn’t sure you were still out there – I missed you guys! It has been hard to figure out exactly where writing fits in this new life I’m finally figuring out how to manage, but writing has been such a part of my being for so long I know I have to fit it in somewhere, so here seems like a danged good place.
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Monday afternoon, I found myself in the grocery store, where I find myself most Monday afternoons, Henry strapped to my chest, casually licking the front of my shirt, Amelia making eyes at every stranger from her car seat perched in the front of the buggy. As a sidenote, does anyone else have kids who lick their shirts? I don’t have too many normal qualities of my own, so I certainly didn’t expect to birth two normal children, but I’m just wondering if this shirt-licking thing is a Peine baby thing or an every baby thing. Anyway, we were having a delightful time perusing the aisles until we got to the check-out line and Amelia began to shriek as if her hair (head) was on fire. This is kind of standard for our girl, which was also standard for baby Taryn, so I’m told I’m getting exactly what I deserve. Anyway, as I quickly went about the business of unloading my cart and cursed the Taryn of 2009 who would have given this Taryn with the shrieking baby the super-mean side-eye, I realized Amelia had stopped shrieking. I looked up to discover a potato-shaped woman with an actual 5 o’clock shadow shoving a pacifier in my baby girl’s mouth. I stood there agape, Skinny Cow popsicles in one hand, as the boy strapped to my chest continued to treat my shirt like a popsicle. The bearded woman just kept on pushing the pacifier in Amelia’s mouth each time she spit it out, saying things like, “Oh, poor girl. Are you yelling because your mom makes you wear those stupid bows?” “Bless your heart! Tell your mom you don’t want to be here anymore!” “Poor baby! You’d be so much happier if you weren’t in that car seat.”
Actually, I think she’s upset because she’s trying to figure out why you require both a bra and a beard trimmer. But, I digress.
After 29 years integrating with the public at large, I really shouldn’t be surprised by anything anymore. People are always doing things I would never do. Piercing their noses like cows, right through the middle. Rat tails. Tattooed wedding rings. OK, I probably would do that, but being the only one in the relationship with a tattooed wedding ring takes all the fun out of it, am I right? The point is, I shouldn’t be surprised that just because I wouldn’t, doesn’t mean others see a problem with putting their hands in the mouths of strange babies or staring openly at my two babies and wondering loudly to a friend, “Are there two of them? TWO babies? A boy and a girl? Are they identical?”
Sigh. As it turns out, a basic understanding of what makes two things identical isn’t necessary for even a college degree. But, once again, I digress.
Maybe two babies at the same time really is a free circus sideshow for regular people, and I just don’t see it because I wake up to two babies in my house every single day. I don’t happen to be a baby person, except for my own babies, so if I ever ran into twin babies in my pre-motherhood days, I never even blinked. However, I know a lot of people love babies, so I welcome the sweet comments, the oohs and aahs and the innocent, kind questions. But the group of Chinese businessmen who stood staring and pointing at them and prattling to each other in Chinese? The woman who asked me if I “took something” to end up with twins? The security guy on the horse at the mall who yelled down, “I’m sorry!” after asking if they were twins? Do I really need to charge admission to see two babies who just happened to show up at the same time? They don’t recite the presidents in chronological order. They don’t know how to bench press or do an Olympic mat routine. Just two babies.
Two babies, head-to-head. Not attached at the head...
But they are two babies who need to go to college, so maybe I will start charging.
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A random woman pushing a soother in your daughter’s mouth? Did you slap her? I would have
Honestly … some people! My son still licks (and chews) my shirt and he’ll be a year old tomorrow. Maybe it’s a boy thing.
Comment by Holly— May 13, 2011 #
I would pay tickets to see those cute faces! Heck, I’d even shave the beard for ya!
Comment by The Simple Life of a Country Man's Wife— May 13, 2011 #
Cute picture! I’m always so excited to see a new update from you in my Reader; I’m glad you’re finding time to write.
Comment by amysjoy— May 13, 2011 #
Your posts make me laugh. I think to fund their college education you should turn your blog into a book!! Very happy you are blogging again.
Comment by Janet— May 13, 2011 #
Ha, ha. I missed your writing!!
Comment by Nicole— May 13, 2011 #
I often feel like a freak show when we are at the store. I see twins everywhere…are we really THAT fascinating? Now sure, I love when people admire my cutie pies, but sometimes I just want to finish my shopping before a baby gets crabby!
And yes they are twins. No, one is not a boy. Yes, they were born on the same day. No, they are not identical. Yes, we sleep a bit. No, really, they aren’t identical. Yes, they are both 8 months…twins are babies that were born on the same day. NO, please don’t touch them after you’ve picked your nose. Yes, I agree it’s better me than you. Repeat with the next five people who stop us in the same damn shopping trip.
Isn’t being a twin mom crazy?
Comment by Erin— May 13, 2011 #
“NO, please don’t touch them after you’ve picked your nose.”
YES, YES, YES – Oh I can relate to that comment (as the mother who has voiced that opinion in her head, not the woman who picked her nose and then tried to touch someone’s baby!)
Comment by Stephanie— May 16, 2011 #
My favorite stranger comment I got shortly after our twins were born was, “You know, you can get a handicapped permit for that.” And, “Did you mean to have two?”
By the way, your little peeps are darling!
Comment by Leslie McCaffrey— May 13, 2011 #
Yea – you are back! I’m amazed at the things that people say. Sometimes one wants to simply reply, “did you really MEAN to say that?” I love that you can find humor in it all, and best of all that you let us laugh along with you.
Comment by Missy— May 14, 2011 #
Well, you could always get the Q&A printed up on T-shirts so that you could wear them on outings once in a while.
I’m kind of creeped out by the scary bearded lady putting a pacifier in your daughter’s mouth–something about that just seems really wrong when a stranger does it. *shudder*
Comment by CGCouture— May 14, 2011 #
Agreed! If I could have washed A’s mouth out when we got home I so would have. I guess it’s a good thing I (mostly) like attention. If you don’t line attention, don’t have twins!!
Comment by Taryn M. Peine— May 14, 2011 #
My kids never licked my shirt, but my youngest has a very annoying habit of licking my face. She calls it puppy kisses. I call it gross. I think I would take shirt licking over face licking.
And, oh my goodness, those are the cutest babies.
Comment by Tricia— May 14, 2011 #
So glad you’re back in the blogging sphere! You’re posts and pictures always bring a smile to my face. The twins are adorable! Happy writing!
Comment by Brittany— May 14, 2011 #
GEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZZZZ…. they are SO cute!
Sidenote: Sloane and I were walking around a department store one afternoon, just to get out of the house, when a saleswoman walked up to her, pulled out her pacifier, oohed and ahhed, yelled at her saleswoman sidekick to come over and look, and then after telling me about her baby who is now in college, gave Sloane her pacifier back.
If I were someone that would tell people not to touch my child, that would have been the time.
Instead, I took Sloane’s pacifier back out, went home, and sanitized the HELL out of that sucker.
Seriously people.
Comment by Allyson— May 15, 2011 #
Two super cute babies! I need to meet them in person!
Comment by Kathleen— May 15, 2011 #
Taryn they are so stinking cute.
Comment by Abbey— May 15, 2011 #
People never cease to amaze me. I have twin boys due in July, so reading your posts is helping me prepare for this brave new world.
But I’m really hoping the intrusive bearded lady does not show up at my grocery store.
Comment by Katie— May 16, 2011 #
They are so very cute! I love their expressions! And I don’t blame Amelia… I would have been confused too.
Comment by Kelley— May 16, 2011 #
Taryn! They are so cute! Oh my gosh! I love them! Let’s get together soon!
Comment by Kelly— May 16, 2011 #
my god, they’re gorgeous! no, really. and amelia. just a little T. i can see those bedazzled softball socks on her in no time! so glad to hear the pep in your step again. i knew you could do it.
Comment by katiepace— May 16, 2011 #
Are you serious about the pacifier? Was it yours? Or does this hairy lady just walk around with her own stash? I am repulsed!
Comment by yvette— May 16, 2011 #
I love when people use “baby talk” to be passive aggressive and rude! Your twinks are the cutest and we need to do lunch again soon. By the way, in the weird world or blog topic coincidence, my post today is also about Siamese twins. Sort of. Miss you and so happy to see you back here.
Comment by acb23— May 16, 2011 #
You definitely need to squeeze in a moment now and then to write because you are so incredibly talented. You could write a sitcom. Oh, wait…you’re living one! Love the picture!
Comment by comingeast— May 16, 2011 #
Did you happen to be at the Kroger on 11th Street?? If so, I’m not at all surprised a woman with a 5 o’clock shadow put a pacifier in your daughters mouth! You never know who you’re going to see at the store….
Glad you’re back, your twins are adorable!
Comment by Lauren— May 16, 2011 #
I keep forgetting why I hardly ever left the house with the kids for the first 12 months – this post has just reminded me!
It makes for good anecdotes, though. The story of the bearded woman who weirded you and Amelia out in the supermarket is going to be a classic that gets re-told again and again at family gatherings, I’m sure!
Comment by Stephanie— May 16, 2011 #
All I can say is I hope the pacifier belonged to Amelia. Your bubbas get cuter and cuter every post.
Comment by hellyamber— May 16, 2011 #
YAY! She’s baaaaaaaack! I almost had to get a new job, and honestly Im quite content.
Comment by kristie— May 17, 2011 #
T! They are precious. I’m so happy for you friend!!
Comment by Deanna— May 18, 2011 #